Well, I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes.

Wow. High school, huh? It's a whirlwind and a rush and I can't believe it's over now. It's kinda scary to think about, actually. But what have been my best moments? Let me try to put them into categories.

Freshman year; Lunch every day. I had all my friends in my lunch, since most of us shared classes. We formed a huge group and would laugh and talk and joke during every day of lunch. I loved every second of it.

Sophmore year; Biology class was so much fun. I had just two or three of my friends in it, but we laughed so much that it made up for all the stuffy work we had to do sometimes. Laughter is good for the soul.

Junior year; This was probably the year that I was the most oblivious and the most happy, purely because of how much more innocent I was than I am this year. I've experienced a lot more hardship my senior year, but my junior year still held all the youthfulness that I still try to cling to. Every day had something different, some other happiness and some other frustration. I started to do better with rifle team, and I started branching out in different directions.

Senior year; Wow. Everything, can I say that? Disney trip is the first single thing that comes to mind, just because, ohmygosh, how can you NOT love the Disney trip? It's fantastic. But on a wider scope, this year has been amazing because everything that has happened to me. I lost my dad before the year started, so I was returning to school missing one of my best friends. I would also come to learn who my real friends were, and who should and shouldn't matter to me. I learned to be myself, no matter what the situation. I fell in love for the first time, and have happily stayed that way. I've matured, and I've become someone who can see the world as what it needs to be for me - which might be even more important than being able to see it for what it is, since that's different for every person.

But outside, it starts raining.

To my friends, my confidents, my companions, my packmates:

Jessica E.: Streetlights, people livin' just to find emotion, hidin', somewhere in the night. We've had a long five years together as close companions. We've been the best of friends, and at times, we've been the worst of enemies. Although our senior year has tugged us apart, nothing can erase those memories that we've had. It would be impossible to imagine my high school years without you, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Jessi H.: Hello, my friend, we meet again, it's been a while, where should we begin? Middle school is well-known for being the time of life that you struggle to find your identity. We met that together, head first. We were both strange, geeky little kids, who found a common denomonator that pulled us together. When high school came around, band and JROTC forced us to divide and conquer, but I'll never stop seeing you as someone to rely on in the harder times.

Jacob Y.: You may not like where I'm goin', but you sure know where I stand. Despite our rather strange and unorthodox way of becoming friends (largely due to me, but you can't place all the blame in my court), you have become nothing less than a brother to me. But you already know that. I've always wanted a big brother, someone I can rely on, someone who will beat the crap out of anyone who messes with me, etc. You've been more than willing multiple times to provide all of the above. Thank you, and thirty minute drives should be no problem in the future.

Kirstan B.: And you don't worry now, because you've got soul. You're a newer addition to my group, but I think you deserve a place either way. AP Englishdisheartened me at the beginning of this year. I had people I knew, but no one that I could truly talk to.You opened yourself and became that for me, and through our mutual rants and rambles, we found friendship. Thank you for helping me survive this year, and you are explicitly not allowed to not see me next year.

Katie R.: It's not what I gave to you, it's not what I sold, we are born like this. All my heritage at this school, whatever meager amounts that it might be, I leave to you. You're my protegee, the proverbial Robin to my Batman, my young ward who is more than capable of taking over when this old Bruce Wayne is gone. Fight well, my feathered friend, and you'll be seeing me.

Jonathan R.: I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind. Like Katie, we've had a lot of times together. Gone are the days where at least three or so hours are spent in each others company, but none-the-less, we each know that we can rely on the other. We're the same type of people, you know, very blasé and doing what we can to help others above ourselves. More often that not, if we're selfish, it's out of revenge. That's just how it works, right?

Rusty W.: Feeling alive all over again, as deep as the sky, under my skin, "Like being in love, she says, "for the first time." Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm feeling right where I belong with you tonight. I would be very amiss if I didn't have you on here. You're last because you're so important - not to mention the person I know will be beside me in this "next journey" of my life. I had a huge change in my life this past summer, and I was finding who I was all over again, testing the waters and looking for the place I belonged again. And, to my pleasant surprise, I discovered that it's beside you. Thank you for everyprecious moment you've given to me, and for all the ones to come.

She thinks that happiness is a map that sits on her doorway.

The first teacher I can think of that has really influenced me as far as my future goes is Ms. Shelton. She has a willingness to teach any student that cares enough to listen, and she was probably one of the first teachers I've ever had that actually recognized me as a person, rather than just another student. She solidified my desire to be an english teacher one day.

Mrs. Pittman is the next, following right after Ms. Shelton. She probably doesn't realize it, since we've had a few rough patches (namely me being a procrastinator), but I look up to her. Everything she has in her life is what I want one day - a happy marraige, beautiful children, a job that to do just because I love it, the respect of my peers, and the ability to accomplish what I want to accomplish.

The Major cannot be left off this list. You come into JROTC with wide eyes and a little fearful. Sergeant Major is your first experience with the program, and his gruff attitude is uniquely his own - however, he also can play favorites, and is known for his favoritism on drill team. There's no hope for a little freshman like yourself. And then you enter the Major's class. He has his quirks (strongly disliking ketchup, hating most music, and affection for most comic strips being the main ones), but that's just it - you are a person to him, and he is a person to you. He encourages you to be nothing less than your best, and for that, I am grateful.

And the clock on the wall has been stuck at 3 for days and days.

My biggest change in high school from my freshman year and to who I am now is really how I interact with people. As a freshman, I started out like a wide-eyed puppy dog. I was willing to do whatever it took, no matter the situation. In JROTC, I wanted to overachieve, to do great things - but the biggest problem with that was that I was (and might still remain) too soft-hearted to be threatening enough to get where I wanted to go. Reflecting on that in my senior year, I see now that letting others triumph over me, despite what I wanted to do, made me suffer.

My biggest achievements, though, were also in JROTC. I have made lasting friends within our program (lovingly called my "packmates") and I could never regret all the laughter and happiness they have given me. One of my biggest recent achievements was being at the MCJROTC Chamionships, where I was placed as an Alternate on our "A-Team" (aka Varisty), but then proved myself by becoming the 6th individual shooter in the nation (2nd place female competitor!). It's been a long road to get here, but the people by my sides are more important than anything else.

She believes that life isn't made up of all she's used to.

My parents and I have our simularities - but we also have our differences. The morals I have in my life are largely those inspired by my parents, although they didn't quite follow them when they were my age. That's the point, ya know? They learn from their mistakes, so I learn from them too, so I don't have to suffer through the same ones.

When it comes to my mom, she and I are similar in some respects. We both enjoy a good cookout, we're both very compassionate, and we both have respect for our superiors and feel duty-bound to those people that we've got respect for. We're different, though, in our ideas of what's "normal" in life - for example, I have absolutely no problem with people randomly showing up at my house, or surprising someone by showing up at theirs, while my mom thinks it's rather rude to show up without calling ahead.

My dad and I, however, were incredibly alike. We had the same ideas about your friends - friends are your family, and therefore deserve to be treated as such. I love nothing more than a day spent with my friends. Daddy always worked his butt off all week long - but as soon as friday hit, he was with his friends and his family, enjoying the time he had. He believed that you should take things as they came, and I share that.

And she screams, and her voice is straining.

"She dealt her pretty words like Blades --
How glittering they shone --
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone --

She never deemed -- she hurt --
That -- is not Steel's Affair --
A vulgar grimace in the Flesh --
How ill the Creatures bear --

To Ache is human -- not polite --
The Film upon the eye
Mortality's old Custom --
Just locking up -- to Die."

This is "She dealt her pretty words like blades" by Emily Dickinson. I read this poem back in middle school, and I'm not sure why it has such appeal to me, but it does. Something about it seems bold and passionate, even though, in the end, in speaks of death. The woman in this poem seems to be one of determination and skill.